Winter Writing…Failure

Confession: I haven’t written a single thing ever since that horrid scene I had to post for my own Winter Writing Project.

Why? I don’t want to. I don’t want to write anymore. At all.

I have no other way of explaining it. Writing isn’t fun anymore. I reap no enjoyment from it. Writing is frustrating and stressful in ways it’s never been before.

I know they say you should write anyways, even if you don’t want to. I tried that, and after several hours, I got this monstrosity. I did not feel better afterward. In fact, I felt worse. I’m finding it near impossible to even post on this blog. I have nothing to say.

Maybe I’m not a writer, after all. Maybe I’ve “outgrown” writing. I’ve no ambition to write. I stare at my outlines, character sketches, and blueprints without the slightest desire to add words to them.

A friend of mine thinks I’m still exhausted from NaNoWriMo. I suppose that could be the case, but what about the flash fiction I wrote in December? I wrote both Balance of Power and the Writing Exercise Example that month and I did not struggled with either. Yet now I can’t even do flash fiction.

My other thought is school, as I’m back in class after a six-month hiatus. Yet I wrote my first NaNo novel when I had a heavier course load than I do now, and my classes didn’t start until the tenth of this month. Class doesn’t seem to be the reason behind my sudden distaste for writing. It’s like the turn of the new year also turned my love of writing into hatred.

Needless to say, I’ve given up on RSSWWF (and am very ashamed of myself for it). I am NOT giving up on the Resplendent Winter Writing Project. I still owe some of you critiques and I will still post excerpts according to the schedule. Instead of writing scenes to post, however, I’ll take scenes from Rephaim. I’ll try to polish them up a bit so they don’t reek of “I wrote this novel in 23 days.”

Honestly, I want to give up on writing altogether, but I’m prone to impulse so I’ll give it until the end of NaNoEdMo. If by April I’ve still no taste for the art, I’ll take it as a sign I need to move on.

I’ll still try to keep up with posts here, but no promises.

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About Squishy

Writer, dancer, gamer, and admirer of all that is beautiful.

Posted on January 22, 2011, in Ishy Writes! and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. If it’s not gonna flow, it’s not gonna flow. This is a truth I’m quite familiar with. Maybe it’ll come back, maybe it won’t. The muses are adamant in their wills, so there’s not really anything to achieve by worrying about it.

  2. Or you just need to take a break? From the “frustrating” and “stressful” writing, that is. If you have really “outgrown” writing, you’d feel just fine but if all what you need is a break, you’d get back to it.
    Or you can just do the “bad-writing” thing. Y’know, the kind where you are just writing to ‘let it all out’. For fun. Without actually thinking about what you are writing. In my opinion, it is the best way to relax.
    As for the blog, I am not sure. I usually don’t think much before writing a post (kind obvious, isn’t it?) but that is because I have made a rule to never ever write my blof for anyone but me.

  3. All relationships go through cycles, and that includes the relationship with writing. I was here a few years ago. I was absolutely sick of writing and didn’t feel like I had ever produced anything worthwhile and thought my future looked just as bleak. So, I took a hiatus and read some great fiction–the sort that I wanted to imitate. Eventually, love for my own creations returned. And, even though I still go through short bouts of hatred towards writing–especially when I have to rewrite the ending for that novel for the millionth time… like right now–I remember how much I love it, and I manage to push through those feelings.

    Like a relationship, you “fall in love” and after a while, it’s time to see if the relationship is going to continue beyond those initial feelings. If you choose to stay with it, it’s not always easy, but your dedication to making it work will get you through the hard times.

  4. Take a break! Even if it’s a few months. I couldn’t write anything for at least three months–everything was horrid (or at least I thought so) and I wanted nothing to do with writing.

    These things do happen in every writer’s life–at least every writer I’ve known–and it’s something that many of us have to fight with a lot. And don’t feel bad if you do find out writing isn’t for you; that happens too. But I’d encourage you to walk away for a little while to recharge your creative battery. That might be what you need.

  5. Just read this post after I got back from my holiday, and I was wondering how you are feeling about it right now.

    I know the feeling. I myself considered never writing again at various points in my life. In the end however, I never feel complete when I stop writing altogether. There is always a part of me that wants to go back, no matter how long I stopped writing. I’m going to venture a guess and say it’s the same for you.

    What helped me during the last year is to let go of the idea that everything I write has to be ‘good’. Nowadays I write mostly because I want to write, and as a result I’ve come to enjoy it more. And the more I enjoy it, the more I write. And the more I write the better I become (even though most of what I write is still cringeworthy). That’s why I dropped out of NaNoWriMo back then, because it was just too much at that time. I’m not saying writing shouldn’t be hard work, but sometimes we are so fixated on the work itself that it hampers us in our enjoyment and development of the craft.

    In the end it’s about finding the right balance for yourself between the hard work and enjoyment.

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