Confession: I haven’t written a single thing ever since that horrid scene I had to post for my own Winter Writing Project.
Why? I don’t want to. I don’t want to write anymore. At all.
I have no other way of explaining it. Writing isn’t fun anymore. I reap no enjoyment from it. Writing is frustrating and stressful in ways it’s never been before.
I know they say you should write anyways, even if you don’t want to. I tried that, and after several hours, I got this monstrosity. I did not feel better afterward. In fact, I felt worse. I’m finding it near impossible to even post on this blog. I have nothing to say.
Maybe I’m not a writer, after all. Maybe I’ve “outgrown” writing. I’ve no ambition to write. I stare at my outlines, character sketches, and blueprints without the slightest desire to add words to them.
A friend of mine thinks I’m still exhausted from NaNoWriMo. I suppose that could be the case, but what about the flash fiction I wrote in December? I wrote both Balance of Power and the Writing Exercise Example that month and I did not struggled with either. Yet now I can’t even do flash fiction.
My other thought is school, as I’m back in class after a six-month hiatus. Yet I wrote my first NaNo novel when I had a heavier course load than I do now, and my classes didn’t start until the tenth of this month. Class doesn’t seem to be the reason behind my sudden distaste for writing. It’s like the turn of the new year also turned my love of writing into hatred.
Needless to say, I’ve given up on RSSWWF (and am very ashamed of myself for it). I am NOT giving up on the Resplendent Winter Writing Project. I still owe some of you critiques and I will still post excerpts according to the schedule. Instead of writing scenes to post, however, I’ll take scenes from Rephaim. I’ll try to polish them up a bit so they don’t reek of “I wrote this novel in 23 days.”
Honestly, I want to give up on writing altogether, but I’m prone to impulse so I’ll give it until the end of NaNoEdMo. If by April I’ve still no taste for the art, I’ll take it as a sign I need to move on.
I’ll still try to keep up with posts here, but no promises.