New Home, New Fears
So I’ve moved into a shiny new apartment.
And it is shiny.
It’s a gorgeous apartment and I love it. The unfortunate part of it, is I’m the only one here at the moment. I will have three roommates, but due to poor timing, they won’t be moving in until later and I’m here by myself until then.
Regardless, I’ve two decks, one of which overlooks the city, in-unit washer/drier, an amazing bathtub and shower, and even a NINJA KITCHEN!
So what am I so afraid of? I suppose being late for class, as I do live a bit further from campus than I did before. Break-ins are always a worry, though I think living on the third floor and making sure doors are locked will more or less keep that fear at bay.
What I’m really afraid of, is the stove. And oven. It’s this giant monstrous thing that looks rather at home in the otherwise lovely kitchen. My roommates love it. I find it menacing.
Perhaps it should be said I grew up with an electric stove. I didn’t encounter my first gas stove until I moved to uni. This stove is gas, and the flame is larger than the any pot/pan I own. I know my cookware is small, I’m small too, but this stove makes them look miniscule. It also makes me feel significantly smaller, which brings me to my next point…
Did you ever get the feeling that something or someone was plotting your demise? Like a cat. Did you ever find a cat staring at you in a certain way that you just know it was thinking of how best to kill you? Yeah, that’s how this stove looks at me. Except unlike a cat, this stove doesn’t want to kill me in the you-need-to-die-so-I-can-rule-the-world kind of way. This stove, just wants to kill me. Or eat me. I think it wants to eat me. Alive.
It’s like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors, but it feeds off of my fear instead of my blood. It’s all fun and games sitting there, feigning insentience, laughing at my fear, until one day I decide to bake some cookies, open the oven and… CHOMP!
OM NOM NOM ISHY GOOOOOD!
I wonder what would happen in a match, feline versus possessed stove…
As an aside: I’ve made a new life goal to write a theme song for myself. That, or become so awesome someone writes a theme song for me. Each of these is equally as improbable.