Nerd King of the Golden Pocket Protectors

I’ve worked at my university’s library since I was a freshman (am now ending my third year). There has always been this old coffee tin on the table in the sorting room. The tin had an odd assortment of goodies in it, including a bookmark from Nova Scotia and a French pocket bible. I discovered this when I was at work one day with nothing to do and decided to explore this oddly-decorated tin. That’s when I found the poem.

The poem is hand-written in pencil and addressed to “Bored Stacker,” IE me at the time, and came with the note of “Do not throw away!” I found it incredibly amusing, and left it in the tin for other bored stackers to find. I stumbled upon it again today on my cleaning spree, and have decided to share it with you all. A couple parts are specific to my university, but you will be able to appreciate the humor of it regardless.

Nerd King of the Golden Pocket Protectors

-Part One, The Forging

Many years ago
Just after the fall of Dewey
There was a young nerd
By the name of Louis.

And no matter how much time
he spent in the row of QA,
His professors simply would not
Give him an A.

So he retreated to compact
where he spent many years.
He became so powerful that
no one would come near.

Until one famous day when
we found out
Just exactly what he was doing
while he was down and out.

In the great basement fire
unseen by library inspectors
he forged 20 extremely powerful
golden pocket protectors.

Three he gave to the heads
of the nerdy departments.
The stashed them
in secret compartments.

Nine he gave to the nerd freshman
in Spear Hall.
We all know them to be the
greediest nerds of all.

Seven he gave to the
short nerds with long beards;
In the age of Dewey,
this appearance wasn’t that weird.

The last one he kept secret and
only his pocket it would protect
And this powerful secret he
hoped the others would not detect.

For the one who possessed
this protector below their hips
Would have all of the programming
knowledge in the world at their fingertips.

-Old Wise Stacker


About Squishy

Writer, dancer, gamer, and admirer of all that is beautiful.

Posted on June 17, 2011, in Education and Work and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. You must find this Pocket Protector! Who knows what unbridled power it holds!

    Seriously though, that’s an amazing piece of poetry you found there. Are you perhaps, going to find out where Louis is right now? 😀

  2. That is perhaps the best thing ever. And a bookmark from Nova Scotia… what could it mean!?

    And this is only part one… Even though my university has three libraries, I’ll totally have to search them all next year. After all, maybe that’s the significance of Nova Scotia! Setting aside all the other schools in the province, I mean…

  3. Thaumaturgist

    Whoever wrote this is a genius.
    And Emitar is right, you should go on a quest to find the Pocket Protector!

  4. That’s priceless!

    Does this mean that, in the couple of weeks between the end of this semester and the new job, we’ll hear about this quest? The Quest for the Golden Pocket Protector?

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