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First rule of Write Club: Don’t write.

I’ve been biting my tongue and not publicly complaining about this, but you know? I think I’ve about had it. Because, simply put, Write Club is about as useful as a sack of invisible potatoes.

They both have potential to be useful — Hey! A sack of potatoes!; Hey! A club of writers! — but getting to that useful bit requires several attempts, failed starts, and Rube Goldberg-esque problem solving.

While you could throw some flour on the potatoes, allowing you to see them long enough to cook them however you wish, and use foil or spices or something to “see” the potatoes afterward… You could also just, y’know, buy normal potatoes and have a much easier time with it. Not to mention an easier time eating.

As for Write Club, here’s how a typical meeting goes:

  • I get there early. Most others arrive 5-10 minutes late (including president + officers, usually)
  • We spend the first 10 or so minutes chatting aimlessly, generally about nothing remotely related to writing.
  • Finally we get to our free write, which starts with a prompt. Usually we all put random words on the board and use someone else’s word as a prompt. Attempts to try new things have mostly failed.
  • Next, we spend about 20 minutes writing. Many people come ill-prepared for this and write on their smartphones or mostly-dead laptops.
  • After that, we read what we wrote out loud. 90% of the time, I am the only one who volunteers. Considering I’m the one with metal plates in her face, this makes perfect sense.
  • The remaining 20-30 minutes is a complete crapshoot because nobody ever brings in anything to edit (except me), and they are even less interested in helping others. Instead, they talk about the last episode of Dexter.

We’d normally be meeting tonight, but it’s finals weeks, so all club activity has ceased. Seeing as I’m on co-op right now and have no idea what the course schedule is like, I learned this from my roommate. As of now, nearly 2 hours before we’d normally meet, there has been zero notice from the president or officers that Write Club has ended for the semester.

So if I think about next semester, when I’ll be back in class for my final semester of uni… Sure, I could go to Write Club and encourage people to write more despite their insistence that they “don’t have time” (Dexter is more interesting anyways). Or I could refocus that time and energy on actually writing.

Unless Write Club suddenly starts living up to its name, I don’t think I’ll be attending.